I don’t have ‘real friends’.
Is this what you think, though you have a bunch of people hanging around you?
Do you believe that it is you who is putting in all the efforts into your friendships?
You’re texting to plan a hangout. You are taking out time to cheer them up.
You’re putting your phone down to have real conversations.
However, the other party is not only unappreciative of your efforts, but they reach out to you only when they need financial help.
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Realising that your friendship is not a real friendship is painful and frustrating. Do you know this is quite common! Almost half of the population had such relationships.
However, these friendships, aka, one-sided friendships, are often camouflaged.
As a result, they end up taking a toll on your mental health and driving you to depression.
Therefore, it is essential to identify them at the right time and fix them, if possible.
So let’s understand what exactly such friendships are, their signs, and, how to fix them.
What does a one-sided friendship mean?
As is said, friendship is a product of effort.
It requires the investment of time and energy from both of the parties. But, when the bond becomes a one-way street, involving one of the parties contributing the most of their time and energy if not all, it is called a one-sided friendship.
Every friendship doesn’t need to have a handsome amount of communication. Still, if the communication becomes slanted towards the one person, it is not a friendship anymore.
On the other hand, it is also possible that you are only assuming the friendship to be one-sided, whereas your friend only needs some space.
Hence, It’s crucial to know the signs of a one-sided friendship before you jump to any conclusions.
What Are The Signs of A One-sided friendship?
The general signs that can help you not lose your cool, and make the right assumptions about your friendship include:
Are You The Conversation Initiator ?
So, the number one sign of a one-sided friendship is that you always initiate the conversations.
Whether it is the discussion about workload, house chores or marital issues, you are the one who wants to talk to them.
Even when you start the conversation, they won’t listen to your rants for more than half an hour. Most probably, they will end the discussion saying, ‘It’s not a big deal.’
However, on rare occasions, when they take this step to talk to you, they only demand your emotional, financial or physical support.
We understand that friends need to help out each other, but remember it is a two-way communication? If you invest your time, money and energy in return for nothing, this is alarming.
They’d Rather Hang Out With Others
Most of us have different groups of friends for different conversations.
You and your supposed friend might have other friends as well, and this is fine.
However, if your friend prefers to hang out with their other friends and not you, then you need to take action.
They Don’t Come To Visit You
Another sign of a one-sided friendship is that your friend visits you very less, and it is you who shows up at their place now and then.
The icing on the cake is that they visit you only when they need a worldly gain.
If you can relate to a few of these signs, it is most likely that your friendship is in trouble.
Living with one-sided friendship can be hard, but what is more daunting is the fact that you start questioning your abilities.
You think it is you who is at fault instead of realising the root cause of the problem.
Such thoughts can disturb your mental health even more and might make you break up with your friend.
That’s why it is essential to know the reason behind one-sided friendships.
Why Does a One-sided Friendship Happen?
There can be many reasons, and most of the time, it depends upon your circumstances. But, the three most common situations that eventually result in friendship failures are:
1 You Wanted To Make New Friends
Most of the time, the one-sided friendships result from your wanting to increase your number of friends and not paying attention to how well you gel with your new friend.
Friendships that are made on this note, usually don’t last long. It is because the two of you are initially so overwhelmed by the ‘number’ of friends that you end up making someone very different from you, your friend.
2 Your Friend Is An Introvert
This is one of the genuine reasons, and you need to act maturely.
Your friend might not dislike you, but they are just less expressive.
They don’t know how to initiate a conversation, or they might not want to bother you often.
In such a case, you need to understand their nature and make them comfortable enough so that they can initiate the conversations without a second thought.
3 You Have Different Circumstances Now
One of the reasons for your friendship taking a U-turn can be life itself.
The two of you were great friends in the beginning, but life happened, and circumstances changed.
You grew up and developed new interests that are opposite to what your friend has.
If the difference is significant, it could be one of the reasons to make the friendship one-sided.
Hence, it is not necessarily that something was missing in you, but the circumstances have led you to the one-sided friendship. Instead of belittling yourself, why don’t you make one last effort to fix the problem?
How?
Break up immediately?
No, not exactly!
Breaking up with someone you had shared a strong bond (at least from your side) is not easy at all.
We would instead follow these six steps to resolve the issue.
So How Do We Fix A One-Sided Friendship?
Here are a few ways which can help you fix one-sided friendships.
1. Go For Quality Over Quantity
Let’s begin with the basics.
If you started the friendship simply because you needed to make new friends, then know that there is no set number of friends.
You can have as many friends as you want, you can also have one sincere friend all your life.
Thus, one way to escape the trauma is not to focus on compatibility, rather than the number.
2. Talk To Your Friend or Partner
Now that you already have a couple of new friends, it is better to act maturely and talk to them.
This requires you to share your feelings and inform them how they have been mistreating you.
Talking to your friend can also let you know of your habit (if there is any), which is making them uneasy. For instance, you are lazy, but your friend is energetic.
They offer you a hike with them, but you refuse every time.
This means they are also experiencing the same negligence from your side as you are.
Therefore, talking to your friend and sharing your feelings will lead both of you to a middle ground and help your friendship thrive.
3. Ask Your Friend or Partner To Make It Two-Sided
Similarly, if you love watching movies, offer them to have a movie tonight and accompany them in hiking the next weekend.
As you’re the one that been texting first, tell them to text you first sometimes. If you were suggesting them the advice, ask them to support you as well.
However, if it was being doing unintentionally, then they will change their behaviour.
4. Acknowledge That They Also Have Expectations
It is essential to know that your friends are also human beings and might need some alone time to recover after a bad day.
Being your friend, they should take time for you, but it doesn’t mean that they are obliged to serve you 24/7.
Hence, if they are going through a rough patch, provide them with some space and let them choose what they want.
5. Be Your Own Self
Since one-sided friendships can make you question your personality, you might also think of changing yourself. But those who change their behavior to please others often end up drawing the wrong people to themselves.
Those who are meant to stay will accept you with your shortcomings.
Therefore, stay true to yourself. It will help you have your peace of mind and better friendship decisions.
6. Pick Your Distance
Once you have explored all your options and realized that your supposed friend is not willing to change, then pick your distance. Meet them less, text them less, think less about them, and practice self-care.
Engage yourself in activities you always liked but never tried because you were busy pampering your friend.
On the other hand, this will also provide you with a clue if they need you in their life.
If they were honest, they will notice you missing-in-action and might contact you. If they don’t, then this friendship wasn’t meant to stay.
In conclusion ………Take a deep breath, go out and hang out with new people.
If possible, become friends.
Do not let the heartbreak overdrive you but make a wiser decision this time.
I sincerely wish you well for the future.