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8 Good Reasons Why Change Is Hard

Change is hard. In fact, it is one of the hardest things one has to go through in life.

They say the secret of life is to grow. And growth needs constant changes and improvements.

People constantly struggle with changing their habits and making their lives better. Take, for example, the norm of life.

The norm is where you go to work or school, spend around 8 hours there, go back home and repeat the process the next day. These things don’t reflect your purpose or even change.

I have lived life as I saw fit and that was not enough. I traveled the world before I was 25 and finished university at 22 with great grades.

Ultimately, I accomplished what the society demanded and I even worked as a professor at the university that I graduated from and at other consulting offices. I did my masters at 24 and explored Europe, Africa, and Asia.

The more I did these things, the more I felt that I’m still far from what I really want to achieve. I wanted to become great.

My perfectionist mind constantly tweaks and criticizes my accomplishments. It tells me that I am not there yet and I accepted it. I wanted to change because I felt my life was ordinary.

Honestly, I was not the perfect image of myself back then. Motivated, I devised ways to change. But, even after several months, I still find myself drowning in the same life- planning and wishing to change.

Then, I discovered why we are not firm with our plans and why we struggle in changing our habits and lives.

Below, I will share with you 8 of the reasons why change is hard.

You base your plans to change on “motivation”

I know lots of people who become runners on athletics season. Unfortunately, only a few of them continue until the end of the season. Lack of follow-through is usually one of the reasons why.

People get extremely motivated after watching TV shows they like or after listening to an inspiring story. However, they get back to their normal selves as soon as the excitement wears off.

Motivations are great. Declaring “I am great, I can do it” could make one inspired to do something worthwhile. The problem with motivation is that it’s only an emotion. It can inspire one for a short time but it will soon be forgotten.

This is because motivations are not drawn in terms of purpose. They lack vision and don’t provide the energy and the tool for change. Mel Robbins, one of the top-selling authors, says “motivation is garbage.” She argues that our brains are not designed to do even the smallest things in life that could change us for good.

A simple motivation doesn’t change the way the mind is hard-wired. The brain is designed to keep us away from a problem.

Instead, she advises using the technique she calls the three-second rule. The rule is to decide within three seconds.

If you plan to get up in the morning and you hesitate, take your hand round your head and count 1-2-3 and jump out of bed. The technique teaches you to snap out of it in three seconds and force your mind to do what you need it to do.

3 second rule

See Also: Time to Break the Cocoon! 5 Great Tips For Finding Motivation

You don’t have something else to replace the previous habits

When you decide never to repeat your tasks, you should see in detail what you should do instead. For the drunk to never drink, he should plan to do something else on specific times that he feels the need to drink. He can go see a friend or go out with someone.

If you don’t plan on what to do instead, you will surely find yourself in the same position you were yesterday.

Your mind is wired to keep you from wasting energy and to avoid danger. The way it does that is by blocking you and discouraging you from taking risks.

I once found a guy who hated to see his girlfriend who was abusive to him. Each night, he would meet her only to get verbally abused and criticized. His addiction of seeing her could not let him break up with her even though he wanted to change. The only advice I could give him was to learn to replace what he does each night with looking at the large scratches on the left side of his face. And I didn’t realize my simple advice would impact him.

Weeks later, he came back a new man. He smiled at me and nervously shouted “It worked!”. He started taking cooking classes in the evening, which soon helped him forget visiting the girl. She obviously didn’t call him so he was free at last.

Replace your bad habits with a good habit. Don’t just run away from them.

See Also: Spiritual Pointers for Quitting a Bad Habit

You don’t use punishment and reward system

Schools and parents teach children about what is good and what is bad by associating them with punishments and reward systems. “Good deeds” are rewarded while “bad deeds” are punished.

As adults, we learn to associate what we like with what we want to do and what we hate with what we should avoid. We perform certain tasks and we avoid others. This is due to these positive and negative associations where the mind regrets, catches in flight or enjoys the process.

When you overeat, you feel bad. Why?

Because the marketing, culture, and image of being fat punishes you and make you feel guilty. Even though the food you ate does not have much effect on your weight, you still feel sorry for yourself.

Another reason why people struggle to change habits is that of the absence of gratification. To change yourself faster, learn to associate what you want to do with reward. Make your brain believe that eating within your calorie limit is good and that the reward is that perfect body you dream of. This means that instead of associating overeating with punishment, associate eating responsibly with the prize.

You don’t break your life pattern

“Breaking the pattern” is a technique that I used a while ago. I was not satisfied with the life I was living. I tried to change but I could not.

One day, I accidentally followed my guts and wrote a fiction-like character based on my ideal life. I followed it for a month. I changed where I stay, with whom I stay with, and even where I sleep. Also, I refused to eat where I ate the day before and learned to wake up at 5.

It was hard but my subconscious picked it. All of a sudden, I found myself waking up at 5, writing for an hour, reading for another hour, exercising, eating breakfast, and leaving the house before 7. I go to bed at 10 and close all my laptops and phone at 9. The more I do them in a certain pattern, the more they became automatic.

The whole idea of breaking a pattern is to identify and change your routine until you forget your current life. You can take a month-long vacation somewhere without your computer or other means of communication. You can meditate there to find your real self and emotions or you can explore new places there. Rewrite your perfect day and live it for at least a month.

breaking the pattern

You get despaired easily

“Life is a progress”, some say. It is being better than yesterday.

The Japanese have a culture of not examining kids at the beginning of elementary school. Instead, they evaluate the performance of the students based on their progress. Well, that is different from the west and the rest of the world where getting the top spot is always the requirement.

The world is much more associated and information is available than what it used to be 10 years before. The world today gives us much more choice. We can easily get answers to any question we have.


We are people of dreams and enemies of progress. We change jobs as frequently as we can and we change decisions fast.

The reality is life is a progress. It demands constant change and tweaking of what exists. There is no perfection. What exists is change and change needs time. So, be patient.

You solve the problem without a different perspective

“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”

To solve a problem, you should see it in a different perspective than how you see it now.

For the depressed, it is hard to solve their problem and for the poor, getting rich is hard. This is similar to being an addict. The addict vows every morning not to drink anymore. However, every night, he still goes out for one drink only to find himself regretting it the next morning. He wants to change but never does.

For change to come, you should be willing to change your current position in life. Change starts with your mind.

You should have a stronger character that believes that solution is possible. Teach your mind that you are greater than what you are.

Your debt, for example, does not define your capability or potential. It only shows your current position in life. And that could change only if you believe that you are better than the situation you are in.

You don’t have purpose

Your mind follows a certain purpose and that is to survive.

If you base your actions on a certain purpose, the friction of doing and not doing becomes easier. Without purpose, your efforts won’t be successful since success is measured based on what you achieve.

Finding your purpose is a tough task. It is a lifetime job. There is no ultimate answer for what your purpose is because it grows with age and maturity.

Finding your purpose is your personal responsibility.

People usually wait forever just to find their purpose. But, if you figure out what you like and what you want to do the rest of your life, change will be easy.

You don’t have goals

You need a goal or set of goals to achieve your dream.

Your dream could be changing your life or being great at one thing. To achieve your dream, you need to set small goals. They don’t necessarily have to be grand but they must be something that’s easy to achieve and realistic.

Only wanting and deciding to change your life won’t do anything. You should be able to understand these things, so you can turn your life around.

For example, your general problem is that you need to stop drinking. You won’t achieve that just by promising yourself or by telling people that you plan to stop drinking.

Instead, you should realize that stopping or changing needs constant work. You need to set certain goals.

Days before, I met a woman whose problem was her body image. She was somewhat overweight. She told me she wanted to change her body since she was 20 and she couldn’t. The thing I asked her was about her goals.

She was surprised.

“What goals? To be thinner?”, she said.

After a few more minutes of discussion, we set her daily calorie intake and gym schedule. She was surprised.


Change is hard but it’s necessary.

You often fail because you’re not fully aware of how you should change. Another reason is your own mind, change’s worst enemy. Learning those tips above and applying them in your life can help you change faster than you can imagine.

The post 8 Good Reasons Why Change Is Hard appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

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About Darren Webb

Hello & Welcome to my blog. My name is Darren Webb and i'm on a magical successful journey and also helping others have a more stress free relaxed life. I truly hope that you find a lot of useful information on my blog and that it helps you through your life. Please feel free to contact me at any time.

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How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others and Make an Impact

You're reading How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others and Make an Impact, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you're enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

In 1726, at the ripe age of 20, Benjamin Franklin created a habit-tracking system to help him live a more successful life. On each day of the week, he would give himself a crossmark for the virtues he failed to practice.

“I might mark, by a little black spot, every fault I found upon examination to have been committed respecting that virtue upon that day.” — Benjamin Franklin.

Benjamin’s 13 Virtues: Temperance. Silence. Order. Resolution. Frugality. Industry. Sincerity. Justice. Moderation. Cleanliness. Tranquility. Chastity. Humility.

Build Your Internal Compass

This checkmark system alone wasn’t enough for Benjamin.

Each morning, he would ask himself “What good shall I do this day?” before he wrote a short journal as he jotted down his ideas. Each evening, he would reflect on his day with this single question: “What good have I done today?”

“The quality of your life comes down to the quality of the questions you ask yourself on a daily basis.” — Tony Robbins.

His check-mark system, alongside his morning and evening questions - served to steer his life in a far more focused direction. It made him continually think about ideas he could implement each day to practice goodness, both for his benefit and the benefit of those around him.

His three daily habits, gave him an internal compass from which to measure his life’s success. His systems not only affected his daily actions but they also positively influenced his thought patterns each day.

“The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to be harmoniously related to his inner state…Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are.” ― James AllenAs a Man Thinketh

All the plaudits he received in his lifetime were secondary.

In the end, his success wasn’t determined by others.

It was determined by his own standards.

His Circumstances Didn’t Determine His Success

Benjamin Franklin only had two years of education during his youth. He was the 15th child of seventeen children from a poor family background. He ran away from his family at the age of 17 after being violently beaten for writing under a pseudo-name in his brother’s newspaper.

Yet he found a way to move away from any sort of mental victim mentality.

Life’s storms, in his case, created more resilient roots.

Benjamin Franklin didn’t measure his success or failure through extrinsic rewards or his past experiences— he forged a deep internal locus of control which he then extrapolated into his three daily habits.

Are you operating based on external standards, or internal standards dictated by yourself?

In my life, just like everyone else, I’ve had my fair share of storms. From growing up with a violent stepfather, to being homeless, and being forced to move country at the age of eight.

But pain is never an excuse for mediocrity.

It wasn’t an excuse for Benjamin, and it shouldn’t be for you.

“People with an internal locus of control believe that they are responsible for (or at least can influence) their own fates and life outcomes. They may or may not feel they are leaders, but they feel that they are essentially in charge of their lives.” — Daniel J Letivin.

Did Benjamin Franklin’s Daily Habit System Help Him Live a Meaningful Life?

In his autobiography, Franklin wrote that through his daily habits, he never “arrived at the perfection he had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell far short of it.”

Yet, he admits his attempts made him a happier and far more productive man than he would otherwise have been. While he may have not reached a state of perfection, he did indeed live a life of true excellence.

The truth is, our lives will never be “perfect”. But the more relentlessly we move towards that “perfection” in our habits and character, the more our lives will reflect everything we’re yearning for.

“Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves.” — James Allen

Just Some of Benjamin Franklin’s Accomplishments Include:

  1. Inventing bifocal lenses that allow people with presbyopia to see in the distance through the upper half of the lens, and read through the lower half.
  2. Creating lightning rods which protects millions of buildings from the hazardous effects of lightning strikes.
  3. Founding the University of Pennsylvania and the American Philosophical Society, which have both positively influenced thousands of students lives and shaped America’s cultural landscape.
  4. Publishing Richard’s Almanac, which contained the calendar, poems, sayings and astronomical and astrological information which pioneered the way information was presented in many books thereafter.

None of those accomplishments would have been possible had he not focused on living each day that was offered to him, with the utmost focus.

And one of his secret weapons was his daily habits.

“The Secret of your future is hidden in your daily routine.” — Mike Murdock

Look Inside Yourself for Your Sense of Self-Worth

The moment we begin to look outside ourselves for our measures of success, the more we run the likelihood of feeling like failures. And it’s also the moment we limit our potential success.

We’re all living within the confines of our own orchestrated reality. The moment you think someone is better or inferior then you, you limit your thinking — according to research in Nany Kline’s book Time to Think. And when you judge someone’s accomplishments in relation to yours, you perpetuate an illusion that masks your real self-worth.

Unless you’ve built your own internal measures of success, then you will always run the risk of comparing yourself to others. And that’s dangerous — you can end up risking your sense of self-esteem and unique individuality for some external standard “you’re supposed to meet”.

  • You’re not supposed to meet anyone’s standard.
  • You’re only supposed to be inspired by other people’s example.
  • It’s up to you to create your own standards.

“Comparing yourself to others is an act of violence against your authentic self.” ~ Iyanla Vanzant

Build a System of Accountability for Your Daily Habits

Between 1707 and 1770, Benjamin Franklin lived a life of purpose, character, and excellence. While you can take great lessons from his daily habits, the reality is that your systems need to take into account your uniqueness and the times we live in.

A digital approach to tracking your habits, on a phone app or on your computer can be just as effective. You can build upon Benjamin’s ideas and refine them to suit.

If you want to cultivate the practice of tracking your daily habits, then you don’t have to necessarily track thirteen qualities and ask yourself a question every morning and night.

Experiment, and discover what works for you.

In the end, the most effective system, is the one that you can stick to.

My Daily Habits System

Differently to Benjamin Franklin, I track the actions that lend themselves to the state and emotion I want to experience each day.

In Eric Barker’s book ‘Barking Up the Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong” the author cites that the more we can “gamify” our lives, the likelier we’ll stick to our disciplines.

At the end of each week, I have a call with a friend (who also tracks her habits) to share how it all went — just to make this practice of discipline a little more playful.

Potential Areas to Track in Your Life

  • Your Finances
  • Your Health (How many workouts are you doing per week and month)
  • Your Knowledge (Which books are you reading, which conferences are you going to?)
  • Your Highlights of the Month (Gratitude)

By measuring your progress in the important areas of your life, you will always be proactively comparing yourself to who you were yesterday, and to no one else.

Life isn’t designed to give us what we need, it’s designed to give us what we earn. And we can more easily earn what we want, when we stop comparing ourselves to others, as we focus on maximizing our daily habits to their full potential.

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If you want to live a life that’s 10x as meaningful in this digital age get my FREE 18-paged book on creating your best week.

Click here to get the book!

You've read How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others and Make an Impact, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you've enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Staying Focused At Work: How To Be Productive In A Challenging Environment

A lot of organizations deal with challenges like maintaining productivity and quality of work. Employees constantly complain about the increasing chaos that hampers their productivity and this directly affects the business. Because of that, managers are quite pressed to find a solution that can motivate their team members while boosting their productivity. In this article, […]

The post Staying Focused At Work: How To Be Productive In A Challenging Environment appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Embracing the Unacceptable

You're reading Embracing the Unacceptable, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you're enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

We all go through something in life we never wanted, desired, or thought even possible. If it hasn’t happened to you yet, well, consider yourself lucky and forewarned; something will happen one day, and you might want to have read these tips. Whether it’s coping with not having internet or cell phone reception for a week, (something unthinkable to so many this day and age), embracing a new life direction due to drastic job change, family dynamic, or even something like me, with a life threatening mystery illness, there is one common denominator: you have to get through it. And you can and will get through it; the how you get through it, is entirely up to you.

Here are my 5 lessons from going through my own intense health battles for the past decade and a half, resulting from a mystery illness and a sense of humor that simply refuses to give up in the midst of it all.

5 Steps For Embracing Something You Never Wanted

• 1. Side step the fact that you never wanted it. Don’t try to accept it or cope with it; just step around it. Often what makes something so unacceptable is the shocking contrast to the current, acceptable circumstances we are in. The acceptable life compared to the unacceptable life can seem too big a leap to grasp, reconcile, cope with. So, don’t try at first. Allow yourself to be in shock by simply going around the news. This way you have a little time to let the new reality sink into your mentality before actually dealing with it.

• 2. Find something outrageously positive about it—even if the reasoning might be slightly skewed. It’s a scientific law of nature that there is an equal and opposite element to every being. So, after the unacceptable has been able to seep into your consciousness, try to find some light to shed on it so it becomes as positive as can be. Perhaps you could compare it to something that would be way worse.

For example: my illness has left my body with terrible veins, a real difficulty as blood work is a necessity for my survival. One time, when I was having a particularly sick bout, I had a doctor take 3 hours of continuously poking me trying to find a vein that could hold an IV line to give me antibiotics necessary to save my life. In a particularly long “fishing” expedition of his needle deep in my arm, my positive thinking of was how much I would rather be in this scenario than at a banquet of a picnic that was covered in ants. That would really suck.

• 3. Become a salesman— pitch the positive perspective to your friends, family, and self. Time is passing, the acid taste in your mouth piles up every time you think of the unacceptable you are trying to avoid. Yet, it has slowly been turning into a part of your consciousness, and your outrageous comparable are slowing making the unacceptable seem an actual existence. You are bravely trying to put your chin up and somehow go forward. Not yet coping with it or even embracing it, more co-existing with it.

Now you need to sell it to everyone. Those who are closest to you will see the act of your sharing all the positives for what it is—an act (or at least we like to believe they do). If you can convince everyone, slowly, you might even start convincing yourself that this will somehow be survivable, maybe even okay. Perhaps you can even find pleasure in the act of trying to convince yourself of the positive. Sometimes the more ludicrous, the more amusing it can be—try it!

• 4. The Time of Acceptance Has Arrived. No, you never wanted it; yes, the positive reasons are outrageous. Life the beautiful way you imagined, knew, is no longer an option—maybe only for a time, maybe forever; who really knows? But you’re here; you can choose to be miserable, or choose to embrace this change and experience it to the fullest. *Remember, choosing to embrace the journey to the fullest doesn’t mean that you need to be positive, doesn’t mean that it will be all sunshine and daisies; it simply means that you will be fully alive, fully aware, and fully present. It’s your choice.

• 5.  It’s Your Choice; Your Power; Your Decision. You always have a choice. Even if you hate the circumstances, didn’t choose them, didn’t deserve it, whatever; it’s your choice in how you get through it. With bitterness, delight, tears, or laughter, or a combination in between—it’s your choice. You are not a victim, your life is not a result whim of Life’s folly; you do have a say in how you act, how you express, how you live this moment. There in lies the power within you.

Cecilia Baldwin, Living As A Mystery Girl. After becoming a quadriplegic due to an unknown illness at just 15, Cecilia has spent the next 15 years fighting to recover what best her body could, search for answers, endure through misdiagnoses, cancer, and maintain her quirky sense of humor. With an amazing support system, super-hero Mom who is also her primary care giver, and faithful service dog at her side, she strives to not only survive but to thrive. You can follow her on her blog at : or on Twitter at @livingamystery

You've read Embracing the Unacceptable, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you've enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

How To Prepare A Wall For Tiling

Tiling is a job I’ve always really enjoyed. It’s satisfying seeing the wall gradually disappear beneath the flow of tiles. Once you get into a groove, this activity almost becomes therapeutic. However, before you can get into the groove, you’ve got to make sure that your surface is prepped and ready. Otherwise, you might find […]

The post How To Prepare A Wall For Tiling appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

Infographic: Rising Levels of Anxiety in a Digital World

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